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[19 Mar 2008|01:48am] |
i need to vent. i dont want to write it down because i just wrote a journal. i dont want to talk to my friends about it because its 2am and they are porbably all sleeping.
im so confused.
god dammit. this is what i hate.
i hate how you can get me worked up and give me butterflies all in the same second.
you are everything that i hate in guys and everything that i love. i just dont get it.
i dont get how i dont see what everyone else does. i see you. i see the good side of you. i make up excuses for you all the time. this is what the third time that we have tried doing this? you think that i would learn but i just become more immune to it.
no one understands. no one. or maybe everyone does and i just dont want to believe them.
becuas ei want to be with someone and i want to be with you.
you make me happy.
you piss me off.
whenever you call me baby i cant help but smile.
can you just fuck up or do somethign compeltely amazing so i can figure out which way to go.
because right now we are in a rut. do you not see it baby? we are in a rut.
how can it go form being so good to soo bad and then back again?
i hate these feelings.
i hate seeing you upset and i would do anything to make you happy....
am i a priority?
i hate your drinking and i hate your other friends who are girls.
im sure you hate my loudness and me talking about other guys because i know it pisses you off.
lets stop playing games.
please?
please stop them. learn how to have a girlfriend. i get it. your last relationship was a shitty one but learn from it dont become a shittier person.
but your not a shitty person. are you?
GOD DAMMIT.
im so on and off with you. i go from hating you to loving you in less than a moment.
you love me. youve told me. tell me again. i need to hear it now.
i need it to not be awkward.
no awkwardness.
can i see you tomorrow? please? because i miss you.
dont come over.
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[25 Feb 2008|04:49pm] |
wow
i havent been on here in forever.
and its a good thing. the interbuttz used to be my lfie but now im out there living it.
my life is pretty good nowadays.
i have an amazing job that i love and they apparently love me they keep telling me so.
i have a great boyfriend. whos kind of an ass but arent all guys. he makes me feel great about my self and thats all that really matters.
i have the best friends. little to no drama.
im doing great. and its nice to not have so much stress.
holy shit its really just that simple.
see you in another 2 months
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[19 Nov 2007|11:21am] |
last night allyse and i saw gabe again. weeeee
both of us had work that day. allyse had work until nine and i had a meeting at six.
i originally told allyse i would be picking her up from her work at 9 because i thought the meeting would have been over by then.
at around 10pm i finally got out of my meeting and called her up. she was pissed at first and then reluctantly went out to eat with me. a stop at taco bell just turned into lets just go up there.
HAAAAA.
so i guess cobras played first which was whack. they only played five songs? im kinda glad i didnt go because i would have just been pissed. we waited outside for about an hour and a half i just wanted a damn picture with gabeso i could leave.
allyse got frozen because she decided to wear LEGGINGS?! and not actually put pants on. so we went to my car for a hott second and brought it around back.
the academy is boys came out at about midnight. there was about 30 kids outside and i thought they would be there to see cobras but guess not they all hurdled around the beckett.
as they were pulling the buses away i was literally standing enxt to the door of cobas bus like they have to have gabe get on the bus before they leave so im not leaving this place and aroudn the corner comes gabe.
literally as long as it takes to get a picture with him was all i had.
so i took a picture allyse went to take a picture he noticed my sweater said midtown and was like nice midtown sweater girl.
and i said forever and ever and allyse said midtowns better than cobra and he laughed.
he left we got in the car and screamed.
it was compeltely worth waisting. gas. not seeing the concert which i really wouldnt have wanted to anyways and standing out in the freezing cold for two hours.
totally.
worth.
it.
the pictures on my computer that doesnt ahve interbuttz. so you all fail. to bad. its cute.
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[16 Nov 2007|10:35pm] |
i havent been on here in a while.
my life for once is semi orderily semi still insane.
schools good.
work is completely amazing
boy is completely amazing minus the fact that we STILL HAVENT HUNG OUT ON A FRIDAY! ha.
and friends are amazing.
i really dont remember the last time i wrote a journal.
i havent really had time for the internet anymore. im always doing things. i never stop.
i think i like it better like that. no time to just sit and become paranoid about the little things.
thanksgiving day is soo approaching which means the day after thanksgiving "green friday" is also approaching. in retail that is hell. i have to work that day from 9am-3pm. its gonna suck. we hired 20 new seasonal girls at our store (charlotte russe) i kid you not every single person at our store is working that day. so 20 seasonal girls and the 16 or so original people we have. all working. its going to be so hectic. im ready for it. come on bring it.
holy shit cobras is in a couple days damn. to bad im not going. well not technically going but allyse and i are going to drive down there and take some pictures and just say hi to gurb. because cobras arent my favorite anymore.
uhmmmm.
i have to go write a paper for english.
dammit.
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| TREOS |
[09 Sep 2007|12:17pm] |
THE RECEIVING END OF SIRENS CONCERT WAS AMAZING
it was everything i wanted it to be after a year of not seeing them and after there new cd came out. Im sooo happy.
allyse and i left really late at liek 5:30 the doors were supposed to open at 7 we got down there at like 6ishy and they didnt open the doors until 7:30. we got in there got right on the stage because it was at the shelter which is probably my favorite place to go.
the first band that played was a local band and they were kind of alright kind of not really good. okay i said it they werent really good. hahaha.
thennnn the second band was envy on the coast. they were good i think most people were there to see them. reminder go listen to them.
then treos came on at like 10 i think. it was completely just i dont even know any words. allyse and i were standing in front of nate and he likes to dance so we danced with him a lot. and i kept going YEAHH during the concert how lil jon does it and brendan said keep doing it thats amazing and nate kept going WHAT haaha okay anyways they played i think four songs off of their new album which were outstanding.
they finished the set i grabbed the set list and then they came back on to do planning a prison break which was amazing.
there was a good sized crowd there to see them. but in the front row it was like four young girls and five hot guys behind me and allyse. me and allyse were rocking out and these girls were looking at us like we were morons so i started jumping on them during the last song. ha. andd the boys behind us were molesting us. it was scary/nice what?
they finished playing and nate did this kiss thumbs up weird thing towards us? it was weird
aftter that we stood around waiting for them and nate came straight over to us and was like heyy my dancing girlls. we took pictues and i talked to him about how over the last YEAR i have been waiting for them to come back and he was like see thats a damn long time. and i told him it was alright because the cd is totally amazing. and we talked a little more and then i got a picture with brendan too and then we left.
it was just a complete like release after all this shit with work and school i needed that concert to just forget about everything for an hour. it was everything i needed.
as we were leaving i saw this boy and i said hi because he was a cutie and then i saw him again as we were driving away and we were at a stop sign and i was like heyy and he smiled and he had to of been on drugs because he decided it was a good idea to put his hands down his pants and pull out his dick. allyse and i almost peed our pants laughing. that was the most disturbing thing ever.
heres some pictures and a video
swallow people whole video:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=vwiK8zC2tBw
and pictures:
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[26 Aug 2007|02:01pm] |
canada was amazing!
and so was my birthday
my mom and i went shopping and spent a good liek 300 dollars for my birthday and then i went to dinner with my family came home got ready and left for canada
when we got to the bridge i made colleen get in the drivers seat becuase i didnt want to have to talk to any canadians because they make me nervous.
the dood that was questioning us was hott though. he was all haaaaappy birthdaaaaay aaaaashley. slurring his a's because hes hott.
ha.
uhmm we got there and i wanted to gamble a little so we found a parking spot which took forever in the casino. we went and gambled colleen put in money in the 25 cent thing and had me play it and we won 21 dollars! woooo big win. hahaha. and then we ended up using that to gamble more and we lost all of the 21 dollars :(
we then went to the strip where voodoo was we started walking and this one guy named dave told us to come with him and he would get us in no cover charge so we went into peppers? and i downed two drinks we left there because it was kinda boring. after that we went outside said by to hottie dave and started walking to voodooo some dood from voodoo was liek do you want free cover charge we were like fuck yeah so he took us in and we went in there for most of the night i took two more drinks there and a pitcher of pink pussy. which is amazing by the way. haha
after leaving that at like 12:30ishy we went outside and some other dood was like do you want to get into dante's no cover charge! so we followed him too by this point i was semi waisted so was colleen and she started screaming HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
we went into dantes i downed five more drinks within like 15 minutes. we danced then dave the guy that brought us into the first bar came over with some of his friends and we hung out exchanged numbers. i was fucked up by this point. i didnt know what was going on. oh well daves really nice and he stayed with me and talked to me and what not.
after that we left at about 2:30am to go home. said bye to all the boys and started walking back to the casino.
we were fucking billigerent walking back to our cars. i felt sick though. we got to the car and ate some mints and crossed the border again no problem. drove home ate taco bell.
not having to pay for any cover charges and spending almost 80 bucks on drinks for me and some for allyse and colleen was damn worth it.
THE END
MY BIRTHDAY WAS AMAZING!
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[25 Aug 2007|11:00am] |
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today is my birthday!
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[28 Jul 2007|01:38pm] |
ahhh warped tour.
i love you so much.
heres how it went down:
jackie jessica and i left the dh at about 9ish we got down there found allyse and everyone in line andd they started letting everyoen in. when we got in allyse uncle let us into this diner that was only for like the secruity guards and the band memebrs and who ever was workign there. which was really becuase we didnt ahve to stand and wait and the gates to be let in we just chilled at this restaurant and when we saw everyone dashing we LEFT!
we went over to the vans tent first and got free purses. jackie threw a bitch fit. it was cute. :)
then me and her pretty much lost everyone else anddd we walked around for a while. we went over to the matches tent to see if anyone was there but there wasnt monaca(the merch girl) was there and she showed us the lineup for the day and talked to us for a while.
jackie and i went and saw cute and a little bit of hot rod circuit.
then there was a good like 3 hours chunk where we didnt have anyone we wantde to see. which sucked a little.
my back decided to give out and i felt like an old woman. i took like four tylenol which did nothing.
ran into chelsea and ashlie.
chelsea is a god send for giving me more medication because right after we were done talking to them we went over to go see the matches and my back was fabulous for there whole set which was all i wanted.
the matches were amazing.
pretty much the only reaon i spent the 37 dollars. and it was completely worth it. there was a good sized crowd but no one was really getting into it. i felt bad because i was kinda freaking out and fannie rain kept looking at me like YOUR FUCKING CRAZY! which well i was because there my favorite band and are amazing. papercut skin came on and allyse and i flipped out and started doing our interpretive dancing. it was intense. justin kept molesting me with his eyes wwhich was wonderful. and allyse loves him now which gives me segway into having her come to matches shows with me!
bitches.
after they were done i went over to the side of the stage where it was fenced off and jessica and jackie were with me and they called for shawn and he was like hold on a second and he actually came back whcih i didnt think he would it was magical.
he came up and was like heyy nice to meet iw s like i bought a present for you and i gave him his damn hat. i was like i basically spent 37 dollars to come see you today and hes like how much did the hat cost? i was like forty he was like you spent mroe on my hat then you did on the ticket?! hahaha YUP!
i showed him my tattoo he was kind of in love with it. he kept thanking me and we talked about school and i got a picture. he told me that we matched because we were both wearing polka dots. i told him that my back was spasming all day and jessica thought i said i was orgasming all day which im pretty sure he thought i said that. i told him that the next time they were in dettroit i was going to take him out and he was like DEAL! he said he was comign back in the fall to do a tour. i took another another picture with him. every time he leaned in to tell me something he looked down my shirt. whcih was magical. and then i realized that we were talking for a good like twenty minutes there and he was like okay there yelling at me to go to the ap tent to do the signing soo i gotta go thank you so much ashley. and he told the other kids to go over to the signing booth they were not happy with me. we all went over to the booth just to see how many kids were there which werent a lot but he was still wewaring my hat. which makes me happy!
thennnnnnnn we went and bought some merchhh and left becuase we all felt fuckign sick.
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[20 Jul 2007|06:07pm] |
Today didn't start off very good.
lately i have been feeling very left out of my inner friends circle.
i might just be paranoid.
i was supposed to go to the beach. i didnt.
noone told me we were going to the movies. so i made a choice not to go after i had been invited.
i didnt want to be hermit-like today just because i have been feeling down.
I ended up going to the capuchin soup kitchen in detroit and helping out down there. and I went to church earlier in the day. and I helped out over at the old folks home.
i feel a little bit accompolished. and it was a great expierence.
Jackie and I decided it would a good idea to drive around last night for a good hour and a half.
we talked about everything.
mostly friends. boys. school. stupid peolpe. shawn harris :)
ha.
but it was comforting to know that even though shes all nedified jackie is still jackie. no matter what.
and even though lately I have been been feeling left out I do have a great group of peopel that I surround myself with. I choose my friends wisely and I feel like once you earn my friendship I would prettty much take a bullet for you.
i gotta go grocery shopping with my madre.
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[10 Jul 2007|07:51pm] |
damn. i truly believe my mother is cold-hearted.
i hope i didnt inherit this.
today was my mothers birthday and my family (immediate) took her to a nice italian restaurant to eat.
we get there hand her, her present which is a nice like 200 dollar watch and she just opens it and looks at it and goes i dont wear watches!
what the fuck.
someone just did something terribly nice for you and you cant even say thanks or just say ohh it really pretty but i dont wear watches maybe we could switch it up.
you heartless bitch.
then the rest of the time at the restaurant was spent quiet because she decided to be pissed AT US!
what the fuck. i repeat myself.
i have a huge headache im going to go lay down in my bed. peace bitches.
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